Re:meditation

Well... as is no doubt painfully obvious to all here I am NOT a professional. However, if your goal is healing, and particularly healing from childhood deficits (trauma or attachment related) I can say, with some assurance, that emdr can help. It can help, and without specific memories as "targets".

You may want to do some exploring on subjects such the technique of an "affect bridge". Or go to emdr sites such as emdr.com, emdrportal.com, etc... Look for articles on rdi, Leed's has some on his website, as do other emdr therapists -- all of which you can access from emdrportal.

My point is that emdr can be very ego strengthening. And increased ego strength can sometimes lead to a greater awareness, integration and assimilation of information we already possess. In other words, I can tell you from personal experience that stuff I never defined as abusive was clearly abusive, but I needed an ego booster to admit that. EMDR, and rdi, came in handy. :)

I can't tell from your post whether you suspect abuse in your background or are "simply" unhappy and want not to be. I would suggest that lots of childhood separations, stages and events are "traumatic" without being "abusive". EMDR can help with all of these. You don't have to know the story for treatment to work, but you do need a competent emdr therapist... some time back Dr. Paulsen did the world a favor and posted a list of traits to look for in an emdr therapist.

I say "did the world a favor" because I have reposted it elsewhere several times, and referred people to it here, at behavior.net. Among the various criteria were Level II training, a significant emdr clinical practice and knowledge of rdi. I don't remember the rest.

I'd add my own recommendation: a therapist should be enthusiastic. Of the two therapists I have had in the past year, both sounded giddy about their work. That "hooked" me, in the initial phone conversations with them. And they have both been lovely and supportive, intelligent and kinetic people.

Back to meditation, for a moment, my old therapist had never heard of meditation except as a self-depriving, ascetic practice. She could not understand why I would want to do that to myself... It took some explaining. :) So I relate to a therapist not "getting" meditation. My current therapist will point out (sometimes accurately, sometimes not) how a meditative experience I describe might be related to therapeutic issues. It's a huge help, and adds a great depth to therapy.

Lastly, my problem (currently) with meditation is not that I dissociate while sitting... but that my ability to concentrate has dissipated along with internal dissociative barriers. Too much integration one could say, I am having to relearn some skills... I am scheduled to go on retreat in two weeks, so I hope to have some time to sort this all out then. The teacher of the retreat, who I contacted with questions, has indicated an understanding of childhood trauma and it's interconnections with and impact on meditative practice. She's nice, to put it more simply. :)

Enough from this lay person for now... I do encourage you to look into emdr, just be prepared to expend some energy looking for the "right" emdr therapist...

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