Re:Human sexual behavior

Dennis - I am not a trained therapist, I've been in therapy and have learned my own life's lessons, I'm a professional just not a therapy professional. I read posts here and make comments where I feel they will be of use, where I feel my training and experience can be possibly be of help.

I made some notes on my reaction to your initial post and these, in part, are based on the idea that I expect a trained therapist to know more than me. However, having said that I realize that it is an unfair expectation as no therapist can know everything and sometimes a client or some other person may, for whatever reason, have more knowledge on something than the therapist him/herself.

First, for me, your writing style struck a note which, for some reason, left me wondering about your background. It just didn't come across as educated, professional writing. That is an assumption on may part that all professionals are very good at putting their thoughts and ideas on paper. Not a good thing to do, make assumptions like that.

When I read your questions I wondered why you would be focusing on the man's motives - the man isn't your client and so that was interpreted as a lack of skill, understanding knowledge. It isn't the man's motives but the client's responses, issues which need to be focused on. Even if the motive of the other person is entirely good that is not what needs to be the focus. Also, you were wondering about suggestions to give the client and, here again, I wondered about your skill and training. I am of the opinion that it is not the therapist's responsibility to make suggestions to the client, rather, it is the therapist's responsibility to help the client come up with his/her own possible answers, ideas, solutions. What is it the client wants/does not want etc. as opposed to the therapist making suggestions.

Then, I fail to see how living alone and being attractive and petite is relevant. I live alone, I'm fairly attractive and I'm somewhat petite. That does not impact on how I will respond to what a man says, does etc. I can take care of myself, protect myself and my size has nothing to do with it. I think that part really left me questioning you.

To add on a few more notes/questions. Wouldn't being dumbfounded (surprised and not expecting something) be a "normal" reaction? A sudden shock sort of reaction? And, is it possible that not being offended could be okay? As an example from my own life. Not long ago a married man whom I had met once, a friend of a friend of mine, showed up at my place. He was wondering if I had heard from this mutual friend who had moved to another city. Well, I was surprised at his visiting me, but also happy as I wanted to talk about what he had heard from this friend. So, I invited him in and I soon realized he was interested in having a relationship with me. He made some moves, he was obviously hoping I would respond and there would be a sexual affair. I was a bit shocked for a moment or more, surprised and dumbfounded - I just hadn't expected this turn of events. Was I offended? - no. Actually it was flattering to a degree. So, when looking at being dumbfounded and not offended I feel it is important to explore just what that means for the client and for the situation.

This person has actually visited me again and has tried (he is persistent)again to see if I'll respond. He is quite a few sizes bigger than I am, a tall, well built guy and I sure would not be a match for him physically. Am I afraid of him? No. His size does not scare me. I can protect myself in any number of ways including firmly setting my boundaries with him.

You mentioned that these two people have known each other for 6 years and he previously showed romantic interest in her. Well, there is an history here. The depth of the relationship needs to be looked at. His visiting in and of itself would seem to be okay if they have known each other for 6 years.

I've lost my train of thought, there was something else I wanted to add. If it comes back to me I will do so in another post. I thank you for not being offended by my initial response to your post. Take what you can and leave the rest. Have a good day.

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