Re:to monica: more transference

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I was out of town for a bit.

I like how you asked your questions. It's honest and straightforward.

THis is all just my opinion, but one I believe is commonly supported. As you have seen, there are lots of opinions out there. Just consider the source before you buy into it.

I can fully understand your wanting a corrective experience from your therapist, the whole parenting thing. I was in your position once and yes, it is of a personal nature, very personal. And yes, therapy should provide a nurturing, holding (not physical holding) type of environment. You need to feel safe and relaxed enough to not just bare your soul to some relative stranger, but more importantly to be able to think freely.

ANd a big part of being able to do that, is for the therapist to be able to focus solely on your wellbeing. IN other relationships, there is a give and take-you do for eachother. IN a therapeutic relationship, the therapist does for you. It may at times LOOK like you are doing for the therapist, but that's only if you have a need to please him/her. In this setting, the therapist stays relatively detached so that he/she has no emotional investment in what you say/do.

In other words, you can get mad, you can fail to do homework, you can be depressed, uncaring, what have you , and the therapist, ideally, should continue to convey acceptance. If a therapist gets too emotionally involved, the therapist begins to infuse his own emotional content, thereby falsely influencing your progress. IN practical terms that may come out as the therapist giving you solutions or comfort because they can't tolerate seeing you in pain. A therapist who has too great a need to be successful, perhaps, might get angry with a client who doesn't progress according to the treatment plan. THere are all sorts of ways to "muddy the waters."

Ideally, your therapist should be working to empower you to develop your own insights, critical thinking, and self-confidence. I guess it's like some parents with a handicapped child that try to compensate for the child's weaknesses by doing for the child. THat child will eventually resent the parents and his sense of identity and capability will be stunted. Same way with a therapist who "rescues" a client with soothing words, reassurances, or the like. Haven't you ever been really upset about something and get frustrated by friends who say "don't cry" or "Don't worry about it..."? Because those attempts to comfort shortcircuit your need to process your feelings.

THe difference between a therapist and a parent is that a parent disciplines and provides for the child. A therapist should never 'punish' or provide for a client. Lots of clients have a tendency to pull the therapist into that role, because that's what they've had all their lives.

Replies:

There are no replies to this message.

| Behavior OnLine Home Page | Disclaimer |

Copyright © 1996-2004 Behavior OnLine, Inc. All rights reserved.