Re:advice on counseling (also posted in sexual forum)

How sad for both of them. My instinct is usually to try to find a way to strengthen their bond except when someone is being abused. But just based on this vignette, I tend to doubt that he will drastically change the level of parental investment that characterizes his family dynamic (and his own so far ?). It doesn't seem to me like the sort of thing that therapy is very good at changing. He would have to make a dramatic and unlikely change in himself.

Otherwise, I think she will increasingly suffer as a result and hence the children as well. In my opinion, he may need a mate who can either push back against his reproductive demands or can withstand them physically and emotionally. If he can't make a remarkably radical change in himself, he'll eventually kill her or push her to desperation. One thing seems very likely, staying on the same course has a predictably tragic end. That would weigh heavily on me.

My first crack would be to try to help them both honestly assess the future cost of his demands and the likely consequences. Both in terms of the unlikelihood of his changing the overall kind of behavioral choices he makes regarding his family and in terms of the unlikelhood of her suddenly sprouting the additional physical and emotional resources to deal with it.

The immediate financial barriers seem a lot less intimidating when people are able to appreciate better where they are really headed. The hope is that it will give them both the motivation to change the course they're headed down. Maybe they can find a solution if they appreciate what's at stake. And God help them both.

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