Separation Trauma for Adult Adoptee

I was given up for adoption at two months old, with a layover at an orphanage since birth. I was immediately separated from my birthmother. All my life I have experienced intense "adoptee" issues: strong desire to search for birthparents, feelings of incomplete identity, fear of abandonment, need for control, fear of rejection, etc. I had searched for birthmom since I was old enough to dial the phone and finally had contact with her when I was 29. While she did not reject me, she was a cold number and did not seem to have the same angst as I regarding our separation. Having read widely on the subject and upon reading the book THE PRIMAL WOUND by Nancy Verrier (who recommended EMDR therapy to me) regarding the grieving process and stages of grief that an infant experiences upon separation from the mother, I am wondering if and how this type of (preverbal) trauma can actually be worked through.

To top it all off, I experienced abuse as a child in my adoptive family. Needless to say, one situation feeds into the other...identity issues, feelings of unworthiness, rage/anger, relationship problems, etc. I am really interested in your thoughts on this subject. I feel almost compelled to go back and be "there," when and where I was given up, although I WAS there, as an infant. I feel the need, as an adult, to go full circle, back to the beginning (perhaps because I have always pictured my "beginning" as a closed door?) to perhaps, at last, consciously grieve this life experience.

I have received a list from your Institute regarding the therapists in my area and plan to contact a number of them to see who might be comfortable working with the adoption issues. I live in the Detroit/Michigan area, perhaps someone you know comes to mind. Again, I would truly appreciate your advising as to the possibily outcomes in pursuing these issues concerning my adoption.

Replies:

Re: Separation Trauma for Adult Adoptee, by Shapiro, 12/29/99

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