Is it me?

Hi

I am not looking for a free consultation here... I just would like to
ask a couple of questions if that is okay.
I have just begun the emdr thing... have had 3 sessions of it.
I am concerned because every time I have an appt. with my therapist, I
am growing increasingly anxious before and during the session. I was
involved in "talk therapy" a couple of years ago... and quit as a result
of the same anxiety... I found that I just could not go anymore because
I was getting to the point of having panic attacks before I went in. I
never told my therapist about this because I was ashamed of it. The same
is true for my current therapist. I only feel comfortable in telling here because you cannot see me, and i feel safer(?)
And now I feel like I am in the same boat once again. I really want
this emdr to work for me, and maybe my expectations are too high. But
since I have gotten involved in it again, I am finding that some old
patterns are returning... late nights where I can't sleep, excessive
crying, and hopelessness. To tell you the truth, I am scared of going
into that pit of deep depression, and not surviving it.... if you know
what i mean. But at this point I am finding that is the inevitable path
that I am on.

I picked up the book by L. Parnell on "Transforming Trauma:" After
reading some of it... excerpts here and there, I have become
increasingly afraid that this isnt going to work. I do not feel okay
after a session of emdr. I feel exposed and vulnerable. Secondly,
during these sessions, I am finding that I am spending half the time of
the reprocessing(?) trying to think of something to say to the therapist
that seems appropriate to the image i am suppose to be working on. I
dont know if this appropriate, normal to how these work.

Okay, yada, yada, yada,.... so my questions are:
1) Should I quit... and realize that this isnt working for me?
2) I dont know how or what to tell my therapist.... i guess i dont fully
feel safe with her, so how can I tell her all this?
3)Should I just find a new therapist? (this option for me seems
unlikely in truth because i think that i have a real problem with trust,
and why would the next one be any diff from the last 3?)

The worst part of all this is... I am afraid that if I cant make this
work now.. I never will be able to.
I want to assure you that I do understand that you cannot offer me free
service etc but I am in a bind and feel at the end of my rope. If someone could just help me with my questions?

Replies:

Re: Is it me?, by Jan, 9/3/99 Re: Is it me?, by Shapiro, 9/5/99 Re: Is it me?, by , 9/5/99 Re: Is it me?, by Shapiro, 9/5/99 Re: Is it me?, by Matt, 9/15/99 Re: Is it me?, by , 2/10/00 Re: Is it me?, by Shapiro, 2/14/00 Re: Is it me?, by , 4/6/00 Re: Is it me?, by Sandra Paulsen, Ph.D., 4/7/00

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