Re: Virtual or reality (romances)
Holly · 9/30/99 at 9:17 am ET
This is a bit long, and I do apologize. I am a first time poster to this forum. Personally speaking, the relationship was "real" enough to me. I find it somewhat difficult to find people much like myself in the physical arena (real world), although not impossible. I tend to be Renaissance Like in my nature, and have many interests and skills or gifts. I do work in areas of: art, writing, science, reading, learning, and I try to expand on what I know and do. In real life, I suppose I kept some parts of me subdued. Often, I felt I would be overwhelming to some people, and have met with some people in life that might find me intimidating. So one learns over time, not to intimidate others and sort of tone the characteristics down. I have thought of the Internet as an online 24 hour Library and Information source, as well as a Social Cafe. A forum to exchange ideas and questions and learn. The people I have met, are "real" enough, and I guess I am lucky that I have not had many negative experiences online. I am realistic and know there are some that are not truthful. Yet, I believe there are many that have found an avenue in which they have felt "safer" in exposing their minds, their ideas, and their interests. Those are the people that attract me. And I wonder, if airing all these out between people in "interactive real time online" or email has enabled them to transfer that new found courage to be themselves in real life. I like to see how others handle so many interests and directions and how they find balance in life. Perhaps it is sort of an esteem building environment, as well as validating, and may translate to enough courage to break from one's self imposed shell or walls. I believe that positive experiences are to be found and they are ones in which we learn and grow from. And I also tend to believe that there is a positive aspect or learning possibility or factor from every experience. In the aspect of romance. I have not been looking for that, but it has surprised me by developing. And I ask myself why it did, lately. In real life, I happened to be in a fairly unhealthy situation and online I have been able to explore just how unhealthy it was and talk with others and learn more about myself. I have also explored this in real life, too, but seems that there are more possibilities of group interactions with others in similar situations and paths, online. A relationship developed with someone over a long period of time, and there were many good things about that. The person was more like myself, and what I learned about myself was that I was worthwhile, vibrant, interesting, and not Giftedly Challenged in a Dysfunctional way. I do believe I knew that about myself, all along, but found it stronger in meeting others like me. For many years, I had great difficulty trying to figure out how to "fuse" all the aspects of myself, without "letting go" of key parts of my character in the process. I have met people with the same issues and struggles and people who have learned how to fuse all their interests and grow. To find someone like myself with numerous interests and gifts is not an easy prospect in real life. And when I did find a certain someone that stood out among the others, it developed into a fairly strong bond. The levels of sharing and communication were fairly intense and in many areas. Written words imprint longer and can be saved to reflect on for a long time. I tend to look at it like a journal. In real life it is hard for others to understand the complex nature of being able to do a lot and have this many interests. Sometimes it is met with negativity. So, in a way it is a validation that I am real and complex and there are others just like myself. It gives me avenues to explore and learn more about myself and the world I live in and I smile when I find others that have such a diverse nature, too. I have not developed romantic relationships with all that are interesting. As a matter of fact, with very few. But I have developed some very nice friendships. So what I have learned from a relationship online with someone much like myself, is that I can in fact find others like myself and that is probably more conducive to personal growth and wellness, than hiding parts of myself and being with someone who does not know all of me, appreciate all of me, or understand who I am. It is very energizing to find people like this in my life. And there are a few in real life that are friends. I have learned to write a great deal also, and have found groups that represent my interests and offered me some great possibilities in self growth and directions. I tend to be an XNXP in Jung archetype(very strongly N and P). At times I am very introspective and other times I am very outgoing. I find that meeting others that may not be so extroverted have a really great forum (Internet) for openning up and sharing some very wonderful feelings and ideas about themselves and what they have learned through life. These are my personal feelings. Thank you for your time, artist, writer, scientist, thinker, feeler, learner and instead of saying, "I don't know what I will be when I grow up." I will say, "I am always growing and I like the me I am."
If anything is to be learned from an online romance that may have somehow ended, it is the idea or what had happened or developed is quite possible outside of the Internet also.
Holly
many times advocate, and feeling good about it all.
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