Freedom

• Harold's History by FACULTY Don Nathanson, 9/9/96
  
  

Freedom

As we learn more about Harold's life we can start to consider what help he wants from Don and therapy. In Weiss's terms we would try to formulate Harold's unconscious plan - which would include his wishes, desires and conflicts. There are similarities between the concept of scripts and unconscious beliefs. We believe that the beliefs are primarily developed in childhood in response to traumas- and are strategies about how to deal with conflicts. Interested readers can find more in the overview of Control Mastery Theory.

Harold has given us information that leads me to believe that he sees women as fragile. Or you might say that he has developed a pathogenic belief based on his experiences with his mother that women are easily hurt and can't defend themselves. He tells us that he saw his mother as very self-sacrificing and out of control- similar to how he describes his wife. Her neatness might have appealed to him in the beginning but he seems to resent it now. He is very uncomfortable talking about the past and gives us little details- perhaps he is uncomfortable feeling critical and blaming people who had such a difficult life. He seems to worry that he will need too much or take too much. He worries about his wife being burdened.

We learn that he helped his father for many years in the family store. Who runs it now? He tells us that his parents were never close- his model for marriage? He didn't like they way his father treated his mother- and worried about her being burdened.

I wonder if it was difficult for Harold to leave and begin his own life. He seems to remain connected to all his patients and past friends. He is always available to anyone who needs him. I wonder if it is difficult for him to say no. He seems to really upset and blow up then feel guilty about it as did his mother. Shame about wanting and need help is apparent. His emphasis on the marriage as the problem leads me to believe that is where he wants help now. I think he is worried about his wife and her temper tantrums. I think he has the plan of trying to feel free to leave his wife. Once he has been able to imagine doing this he may not have to do it.

• Trauma? by FACULTY Don Nathanson, 9/18/96