An Adlerian Perspective on Adoption

(E-mail message from an Adlerian about adoption.)

Our son was 'adopted' by us in 1970.

As a 'puppy' of Rudolf and Tee Dreikurs, I followed their advice: something is 'traumatic' in a young person's life more often than not if the parents judge it to be so. In other words, how the parents lead will influence how the child will respond. Of course, we are talking here about positive influences. Negative influences are another story.

My wife and I treated the adoption as 'no big deal' and our love for our son was always evident. Regardless of his biological origin, he was OUR son, and he has always known that to be true, and he has always been able to count on us, particularly 'when the chips were down.' With that clear position by which he could guide his own opinions, he accepted his own place, and felt very secure as a child, and now as an adult.

The 'take home lesson' for those of us who esteem Alfred Adler is that it is not so much what happens to us as 'what we make of it'. I spent a number of years, through no fault of my own, at a children's home on the south side of Chicago, so I know what I am talking about. That's another story.

Shakespeare said the same thing hundreds of years ago, so it is clear that Adler, as always, was able to tap into the so called 'Menschenkenntnis' or practical understanding of human nature which is rare among most human beings which fact makes Adler and his associates so important for the rest of us to study, understand, and apply to the best of our ability as we lead our own professional and personal lives.

If memory serves me, Shakespere said words to the effect, 'the mind is its own place, and can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven, but thinking makes it so'. I'm reaching back, without a text, over 35 years ago.

The point is that 'what we think about something' is crucial, and that, if I understand him, is one of the many messages which Adler correctly observed about human nature which he conveyed to all who would listen to him throughout his life.

All I can say is that my son has been a "Mensch" as Adler and Dreikurs would understand, and he has "been a Blessing" to a number of Mayans in the Highlands of Guatemala as a Peace Corps a few years ago, and Mueller would undertand and endorse that position as would so many other Adlerians in years past.

The bottom line is: the 'adoption' is not relevant, but what is relevant is how the parents behave.

I can't get on your net to communicate this directly, so I trust that you can communicate it for me as someone who owes a great debt to Adler and his associates.

The idea of 'adoption' really got to me, and influenced me to respond in this forum.

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