Re: Purposeful behavior

The desire to be pampered is usually accompanied by a lack of cooperation, and minimal effort in a learning or helping situation. The self-pampering person is often unwilling to struggle, wants immediate results, maximum reward for minimal effort, and derives a sense of self-importance from being served. There is a noticeable avoidance of initiative, responsibility, and independence.

Asking for productive help is characterized by a willingness to collaborate, struggling to improve, risking failure, and eventually gaining independence and competence. If someone is genuinely stuck, con fused, or discouraged, asking for help is usually a form of cooperation. However, if one is simply using the masks of ineptitude or laziness to entice others to provide assistance that is not truly necessary, it could be viewed as manipulative self-indulgence.

Evaluating a request for help should be rooted in an examination of motive. Does one want appropriate information, instruction, coaching, empathy, and encouragement? Or, does one really want excessive attention, service, or sympathy. Is one willing to struggle with difficulties, or does one want life always to be made easier by others? The pampering person frequently does too much, and may be covering up a hidden motive of dominating, keeping the other dependent, bribing for affection, feeling superior, or compensating inappropriately (to relieve guilt) for neglect or abuse. The indulgence may be a way of distracting oneself and the other from the painful awareness of the absence of any deep affection or love.

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