Time Magazine Discovers the Problem of Pampering

Over half a century after Alfred Alder alerted parents, teachers, and physicians about the hazards of pampering, Time magazine has re-discovered the issue. In an article titled "Spoiling Our Kids: Many parents are spending newfound wealth on their children---instead of spending time," in the 1/24/200 issue, Amy Dickenson expresses her concerns about career focused couples who "try to substitute newfound money for their time," and "Wall Street investment advisers who are now recommending shrinks to help children of the super-rich work through their money issues." She recognizes that "Spoiling" is overindulgence combined with neglect, and kids can be spoiled at Walmart just as at FAO Schwartz."

Adler wisely pointed out that it is not just parental pampering that leads to the real danger of a "self-pampering attitude" in the child. That attitude can also be provoked by parental neglect, rejection, and abuse. The combination of financial pampering and emotional neglect can be devastating. The potential net results can be either a child who yearns for compensation, and feels entitled to indulgence without effort or reciprocation, or one who aggressive finds ways to take what they want from others.

However, a disturbing larger issue looms on the horizon. If our economic trend continues, with a sharper divisions of wealth and poverty, we may breed nearly identical psychological results from both ends. The desire to be pampered can spring from having been indulged or deprived. The materially indulged child may be used to a cornucopia of gifts and services and understandably wants it to continue indefinitely. Any diminishment of indulgence feels like punishment, and may lead to depression or aggression. The materially deprived child may understandably yearn for wealth and indulgence as a "just compensation" for having been cheated out of his fair share of the goodies that surround him in the streets, in showrooms, and on television. Both may feel "entitled to everything and obligated to nothing."

A new generation of self-pampering people who are indifferent to the needs of others is not a healthy prospect for the challenges and demands of democracy.

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