CLASSICAL ADLERIAN PSYCHOTHERAPY FORUM ARCHIVE
Encourage or Confront
tcumming · 2/16/97 at 9:43 PM ET
Carmen, Perhaps I have been working in a wrong direction with this? Although, looking at the dates of our discussion, it appears neither of us may be too interested in this issue. Yet we both seem willing to continue the conversation. When I work with 'willing' clients, I place little value in the willingness, until I also see that willingness includes making a commitment to action. Many people seem to be willing to 'go to' counseling for their difficulties. Unfortunately, some come only with the willingness to have those difficulties resolved, to 'will' them away. They have not made the commitment to WORK on their solutions. Part of the responsibility for this situation is ours, we need to educate our clients better as to what to expect in counseling--what we can do as well as what they must do. It is all to easy to assume that a client who comes seeking us, knows what they are getting in to. Yet, even as sophisticated as clients are today- having been bombarded with the benefits of counseling everywhere, from Dear Abby to the myriad of talk shows, they often haven't a clue as to what their job in counseling will involve. They are used to going to other health care providers and being expected to do little more than show up and submit to the examination. They then depend upon the professional to do the rest of the treatment. Another part of the responsibility lies with this nations health care system, which is moving more and more to limiting counseling to a certain number of sessions. This only highlights the need for action from the start. The other unfortunate part of all this is that no matter how hard I work, clients do not tend to improve unless they are doing their part of the work. Enough of that soapbox though! On to your example.
A mother with 2 small children (perhaps in early to mid 20's? Unknown work and relationship status.) Appeared to have 'very good purpose' when began counseling, however now (after unknown # sessions) appears 'stuck' in her difficulties and 'resistive' to direction of therapy as evidenced by (continually? not doing assigned homework). Your question seems to be: confront or encourage. The answer is --Yes. When a client is stuck in their difficulties they often need encouragement. The form of encouragement is very dependent on the individual. Sometimes the classic forms of encouragement like "You have made progress in such and such area, but..." works. At other times, that will be misinterpreted, as our having told them that they are doing 'good enough' in counseling when that may have been far from our intended message. Sometimes, encouragement takes the form of offering our clients a challenge (a special homework assignment?) which we give them with the message that we have the utmost confidence that though it will require some effort, they can preform it. We may convey this attitude by pointing out some of the tasks they are already doing capably and 'frame' the new task in the same category, involving the same skills/tools/capabilities they have already shown they possess. Sometimes, encouragement may take the form of a simple exploration of how they have handled similar situations in the past AND were successful at. No matter which of these forms the encouragement takes, it also, intentionally confronts-> the difficulties. The one form of encouragement that I do not rely upon is the 'good boy/girl' message, which although sometimes thought to be a form of encouragement, encourages little more than the artificial sense of deserved-ness. The sense that 'I am good just by my being, so I shouldn't risk messing it up by actually doing something', of a pampered lifestyle. Encouragement focuses on acts and actions.
Something I usually have to ask about when I have a client who is 'stuck & resistive', is whether we are really working on a real/the right difficulty for them at this time. Sometimes saying to a client 'I'm a bit confused, I thought we were needing to work on ____, yet we seem unable to do so. Is there some difficulty more important we might need to consider first?' If they confirm the current focus, it adds to their buying into working on it, (usually). If they feel a need to change the focus, then it may have just been a 'trial issue' they were using to see if they could work with us.
One last word, on the client dependency stuff. Here in Texas, today, the social reality is that it is common to have clients come in with mental health coverage for a max of 6 visits (lifetime!). So, I consider it a disservice to those clients who invite me to enter into their 'pretense' of working on their difficulties, when they are not doing their part of the work.
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