CLASSICAL ADLERIAN PSYCHOTHERAPY FORUM ARCHIVE
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Re: Adler's View of Self Esteem
Henry Stein · 5/16/96 at 7:42 PM ET
Tony,
An early feeling of belonging gives children the foundation for building self esteem, one that is rooted in being content with who they are, and strengthened by being accepted and liked by parents, siblings, and friends. If children have enough activity and courage, and use their creative power to find ways of conquering what is bothering them, and struggle to overcome the difficulties they face, they can develop normal self esteem.
Self esteem is not given to children by their parents. It comes from the feeling that they can do things on their own, that they don’t always need help. It comes from trying, failing, and trying repeatedly until they succeed. Encouragement is generally necessary when they begin to feel discouraged. If children are always criticized for their mistakes, or they are helped too much, they may be prevented from developing genuine self esteem.. Aspiring to goals that are too high or unrealistic for their age, or intense competitiveness with older or accomplished siblings may deny children any feelings of success and pride in their accomplishment. They may then deviate into fantasy, or rely on the opinion or behavior of others for the illusion of an exaggerated self esteem.
Adults can also set mistaken benchmarks for their self esteem. Money, power, possessions, and fame are seductive substitutes for the feeling of personal value in our culture. Most people have the opportunity of doing the best they can with what they have inherited, to improve their living situations, and to develop their interests and capacities. Satisfaction and pride in one’s progressive improvement, and the willingness to share what one has developed for the benefit of others can provide not only life-long self esteem, but earn the esteem and appreciation of others.
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